South Indian wedding invitation, from nichayathartham to muhurtham

A Tamil invitation is built around the muhurtham, the auspicious window in which the thali is tied. It is often early in the morning, so give the window exactly, for example “Muhurtham: 7.30 am to 9.00 am”, with the day and date. Many families also print the Tamil month, the star and the lagnam their priest has fixed.

• An auspicious opening at the top: many families print the Pillaiyar Suzhi (உ) or the name of their family deity.
• The hosts, usually the parents, with honorifics such as Thiru. and Tmt.
• The couple’s names, which some families follow with a degree or profession.
• Grandparents, marking those who have passed as “Late”, and sometimes the family’s native place.
• The kalyana mandapam’s name and address, a map link, and when the wedding meal is served.

The sequence varies by community and family, and Iyer, Iyengar and other Tamil weddings each keep their own rituals. A common outline looks like this:

• Nichayathartham: the formal engagement, where thamboolam is exchanged and, in many families, the lagna pathrikai is read. It may be months earlier or the day before the wedding.
• Reception: in many Tamil weddings it is held on the evening before the muhurtham, after the groom’s family has been welcomed.
• The wedding morning: the Kashi yatra, maalai maatral (the exchange of garlands), the oonjal, where the couple sit on a swing as the women of the family sing, then kanyadaanam and mangalya dharanam, when the thali is tied to the getti melam of the nadaswaram.
• The wedding meal after the muhurtham, often served on banana leaf.

Each of these can be its own function on one invitation, with its own date, time, venue and map link. The Temple Kolam template shows a nichayathartham, mangala snanam, sangeetham, muhurtham and reception laid out this way, and Dravida Darshan opens on a temple gopuram if you want something more cinematic.

South Indian weddings share some features, but the rituals and their names differ, so avoid borrowing Tamil terms wholesale. Telugu weddings centre on jeelakarra bellam at the muhurtham and talambralu, and the muhurtham can fall late at night as well as at dawn. Malayali Hindu weddings are often short, sometimes held at a temple, with the thali tied and a sadya afterwards.

Kannada families have their own names and order for several rituals too. Ask your priest or elders which terms to use, and write them as your family says them.

Traditionally the bride’s parents invite guests to the wedding, and the groom’s family may send its own card for a reception. Many families now send one joint invitation, and many couples write it in their own names, “together with our families”.

Many families still hand printed cards to elders in person, with thamboolam, and send the link to everyone else. Send it six to eight weeks ahead when guests are travelling, since an early muhurtham often means arriving the night before. Guests reply for each function, so you can see each family’s headcount for the reception and for the muhurtham separately.